I'm wondering...why isn't life that simple

I could have sworn that everything in life was black and white. For a long time i have been a firm believer in this. It was simple x was right, y was wrong.



If i ever decided to do "y" then i knew fully that there would be repercussions and somehow i would be ready to face them when the time came. But now I'm finding that the world has soooooo many shades of grey in it...



Grey that can overwhelm, derail, deter and all sorts of crazy.



Thing is, i love to watch the world and the things i see are quite eye-opening. Some of these things make me question what i thought was right or wrong, they make me wonder is it acceptable to do this, be a part of that, condone this, that or the other. To be honest i start asking myself, if this person does this and the next and the next, is it acceptable for me to also? Is it a means of survival that i am unaware of or naive about? will i someday find myself in those shoes?



I find my self hissing to myself "hypocrite" in some situations because i cannot say that i am a saint or that if the situation were turned around i wouldn't do the same as someone else. Thing is i would like to think not.



I have this uncanny habit of being able to separate sections of a whole scenario or situation. so much so that it could seem like there are multiple persons involved. I thought this could last forever and that as long as i had things sorted in my head "it shall be so" in reality. Sadly this is not the case.

I have come to a point in life where i need to be able to decide if i am a member of the right/white camp or the black/wrong because grey doesn't cut it anymore. The thing with grey is that you have no loyalty or integrity and there is a distinct feeling of guilt, remorse, filth or much worse.



Thing is even in trying to make that decision the timing matters a lot cos you never know what the outcome would be if you get it wrong. Sigh!

So much pondering and wondering so soon in the new year. You know what i wonder... could it be that life is never that simple? I mean i would like to say certain things about myself but then i look inwards and say nope you don't qualify ...you once were grey or black in that area! I mean this may all seem like bollocks but to be honest most things in life is some form of that.

My thoughts are right now, can i ever be free of grey? If no, then is there any point avoiding it? why not bask in grey until it deteriorates to nice matte lack or evolves naturally into white?

I think i am just fantasising about my metaphor...

The question is when do i drop black for white and will it be worthwhile...how long would it last and who controls these things.

Still wondering...
WN